notes from a sub (substitute, not submarine)

      There are good and bad things about being a sub.  I like the schedule; anytime I want, and the accountability;  um, I'm sorry, I didn't know.  I like working with kids, and the ones I don't like working with are gone in fifty minutes and don't come back the next day.  I don't have to deal with parents.  I don't have to do lunch detention if I don't want to.  In fact if a kid comes in for lunch detention on my watch, I just tell him today is his lucky day and let him go.  Some days I actually know something about what they are learning that day, and can help without appearing moronic.  I like it when the kids think I am a genius because I am their sub one day in math, and the next in science.  I also show up once in a while in the library and know how to find any book. This works on the younger ones, Jr. high down.  With the older ones, the jig is up.  They know that you don't know much about trigonometry.  I like it when they see me other places and say hi.  I also don't like it that I can't go to walmart anymore without my make up on, or wearing painting clothes.  If I even try that, I run into one of the kids.     My kids don't like it, when they go off to school like any other unsuspecting child and run into their mom in the hall three hours later.  I don't like it when there is no seating chart, and I have to call roll with names like Ayshjya (Asia).  To make up for it, I write my name on the board and don't introduce myself so if they need me, they have to figure out how to pronounce my name without offending me.  My favorite thing to do, is to read their names that are written in large block letters down the spines of their binders or plastered all over their jerseys,  and then call on them by name when they raise their hands.  Or if they try to change seats, I can just ask 'David and Brandon' to please go back to their own desks.  When they ask me how I do it, I just smile and tell them (to coin a phrase from my brother John) I am freaking magic.