Waking up

Have you ever been in the middle of a routine that is the same routine you have been in for months, and suddenly ‘come to’.  Perhaps you then  realized that you are doing something not quite planned and are not quite sure how you got there and if this is where you want to be? 

This happened to me the other day.  I work as a substitute teacher.  I started about four years ago, because all of my kids were in school and I wanted something extra to do and a bit of extra cash.  The other day I was standing in front of a junior high science class, talking about invertebrates and it hit me.  What the crap am I doing here?  I had worked for the past month every day solid and was hitting my sixth week with no break.  It is to the point that most of the students know me by name.  I am on a first name basis with most of the teachers. 

The part time job that I started four years ago to fill in some time, has become a monster.  I am expected to know how to use the air projectors, how to use the computer program used to keep attendance at the schools.  It is often assumed by students and even staff, that I am going to be there, for assemblies etc.  Sometimes they forget, I am a substitute.  If I don’t get called in, I am not there.  When a student asks me if I can help with something tomorrow, I may not be there.  It is interesting, I do love working with the kids, maybe that is why my job has grown into something more than expected.  I hope it is because I have some rapport with the students and the teachers and administrators trust me.  That is my goal, I don’t know if I have met it or not, they keep calling me.  Maybe they are just desperate, I don’t know.  I guess until I get too fed up with it, I will continue to accept jobs and go to work.  Sometimes after a six week stint of subbing every day, I do stop and wonder though,  how did I wake up here?